My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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