She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
