i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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