Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Boobs speak an international language.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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