Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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