I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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