i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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