I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
