all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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