im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
