Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
