I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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