OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
