In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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