My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
