I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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