I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
