The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
