I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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