Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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