My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
