Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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