Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
