i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
