Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
