I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
