we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
