I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
