I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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