I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
