I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
