Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
