he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
