Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
