Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
