I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
