We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
