I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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