I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
