Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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