On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
