Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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