Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
