Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
