Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
