No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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