oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
