Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
