Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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