I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
